And it’s goodbye from me…..

Watcha folks!

It’s been 11 months since we returned to the UK. You can call me a math/maths genius if you like, but I figure that’s nearly a whole year. And repatriation is complete (apart from calling a ‘take-away’ a ‘take-out’ today, but these things will crop up every now and then….. 😉 ).

It’s been a while since my last post, and stuff sure has happened, like British politics went into meltdown, I went back to America-land for a week, Andy Murray won the tennis, I got annoyed about the small UK parking spaces, we encountered half term M5 traffic to Cornwall, the England football team confirmed they were shite, we watched outdoor Shakespeare covered in blankets, and it rained quite a bit.

So, yes, I took a trip back to America-land. I wanted to do it before that looney-toon Trump got his hands on it and I had to give a stool/hair/saliva sample before I entered the country to prove I was not a terrorist or related to one or about to give birth to one or whatever.

Anyway, the whole week was hot, fun and American. That’s how I’ll remember a lot of my experience in the USofA. The travel, the people, the endless cultural experiences, turning right on red, and tipping extortionately 😉 . America captured my heart and there is so much of it yet unseen; so many roadtrips and experiences for us still to have in the States – I’m not done with you get, Uncle Sam! Mark my words!

Baltimore – a city I am incredibly fond of

Back at the pool of dreams

And back in the UK, life moves on with pace and Britishness. I remember thinking when I left America I wouldn’t be able to capture the essence of all that I had done and achieved out there. But, I was wrong. America taught me many things, and one of those was to not be afraid, to chase that dream, to make it happen, to open your eyes and your heart to new experiences, and to bloody well get on with it. Nuff said.

And are there things that still baffle me about being back in England?

Of course. Things like this…..

• The M5. Why does everyone go on it at the same time? Annoying.
• Pasties. Cornwall or Devon?
• Sunday closing for shops. 4pm. Is that still church rules?
• England football team. Why?
• British politics. WTF?
• Trains to London from the West Country take forever. Rubbish.

And there are things I love about the UK like this…..

• The NHS
• British schooling
• Eavesdropping in Waitrose
• Wimbledon (the only reason I will ever sit inside on a sunny day)
• British humour
• Tea. Tea. Tea

And there are things I miss from the USA like this……

• Old Bay Seasoning
• Thanksgiving dinner/piss up
• Eating out with your kids in the evening and not being frowned at
• The pools
• The big roads
• Turning right on red
• The heat
• People commenting on how much they love my accent
• My Americana buddies!

But, the repatriation is complete. When there is no more culture shock, no more truly comparing and contrasting the cultural differences, then you know you’re back in it. And really that’s all this UK Desperate Housewife from the USA to the UK has to say about that!

It’s been a joy to share my journey there and back again. Thanks for reading.

Peace out peeps. 

 

 

When does the ‘homesickness’ end….?

So, it’s been a while dear reader……

You might not care one way or the other that my reparation from America to England musings ceased to exist for a few months. The reason behind my lack of musings is kind of a good thing (I’ve been really busy with work) and kind of a bad thing (normality has set in).

A recent returned expat who we spent a lot of time with in the States asked me this week ‘when does the homesickness end?’. And, to be honest, I don’t think it ever does. (Note the use of ‘home’….. interesting.)

The thing is, you can immerse yourself in it all back here, (I am doing just that), and some kind of normal gradually takes over, but every day a wave of memory sweeps over me, and I think ‘Gawd, it was good…..’ It was effing good.

But, what’s been a-diddling in the land of Eng that’s worth noting?

It’s been three months folks since the cold February blog and apparently there’s a heat wave coming (about flippin’ time!), folks.

Right, in no particular order…….

• May Bank Holiday was wet. Of course it was. What was I expecting?! It was made slightly more annoying by Facebook’s constant reminders that I was in the Bahamas with my lush chum Georgina this time last year.
• We had the races in Cheltenham. Again. I don’t really do the races in Cheltenham. To be fair, this goes against my mantra of not knocking anything until you’ve tried it, but I’ve seen it, and it has a) crowds; b) drunk people in the crowds; and c) drunk people in crowds betting on horses. The only reason I would go is to buy HihoSilver jewellery, cos its lush.
• I interviewed Jordan/Katie Price. She’s one of the most famous British Page 3 girls (ie, she has big knockers/tits). She was actually really nice, feisty and a good sport. And her tits were a bit disappointing, to be honest. (She had them reduced, I was later told.)

That’s Katie/Jordan on the left 🙂

• This week is Chelteham Jazz Festival when all the good people who adore Radio 2 come and listen to doo-wop and Jamie Cullum. It was pretty coolio. I’d never done the festival before, and I was impressed. Sign me up for next year. (PS If anyone knows why this bullet point is over there on the right, let me know – it’s doing me head in!!)
• I’ve been playing a lot of netball. Don’t make me explain that again, America 😉
• I saw the Dixie Chicks in Birmingham. I wore a cowboy hat cos it’s supposed to be like country music, innit (though give me Johnny Cash any day). No one else wore a cowboy hat. It was the first time that I really noticed the difference between Americans and the British. Americans aren’t afraid to express themselves. In America, I would have been in the majority dressed like that and we’d have been rocking it. In England, I just looked like a bit of a dick in fancy dress. I also noticed, not for the first time, that British people are really uncomfortable wooping. And even if they do woop, they apologise for it.
• Victoria Wood, my very queen of British comedy died. I used to use her Bikini Danfruff monologue as my audition speech for drama school. Amazing, she was.
• The Queen turned 90. I was very disappointed. Wot no party, queenie? #shameonyoubuckinghampalace
• Game of Thrones is shown here on a Monday night, unlike the USA’s Sunday night featurette. Lucky buggers. I now have to avoid all my American friend’s posts on Facebook for a whole like 16 hours or something ike that. Anyway, do not do SPOILERS, chums – it’s rude!
• The Rolling Stones exhibition in London is amazeballs. It was like a litlte piece of heaven for me. I love these British boys. Slightly even more obsessed now, and worried that they’ll die before I get to see them live.
  

  Rock chick at heart!

• I’m doing a lot of BBC chat here in Gloucestershire. Recently we talked about what vegetables you keep in your fridge. Fascinating stuff!
• People I meet in the UK think Donald Trump is a total looney toon. Of course they do! We Brits don’t tolerate his shenanigans.
• We have local elections here soon. People are very concerned about potholes in the roads, apparently. Serious stuff.
• I am going to play Mrs Robinson in The Graduate in August. I hope to do it in an American accent. Although I do tend to sound a bit like a drunk southern belle at times, so my American chumbelees told me….
• My American friends often call me early morning UK time. That’s like 2am their time. Love them.
• My friend Simon Sheridan, who is like a top banana film writer and director, made a film called Respectable: The Mary Millington Story and I went to the London premiere in Soho, which was like the most exciting thing I’ve done since I’ve been back. And the film is incredible. And it’s available on Netflix in the UK and the USA, so if you want to learn about the British national treasure and the 70s porn industry, you know what to watch. I highly recommend it.
  

  Simon and me with David Sullivan, who is the West Ham dude and top bloke 🙂

• Harry loves pasties. Yes, this great British food from the county of Cornwall (or Devon, depending on who you ask). It’s a fave!
• I was in the Boots magazine, and got advice about how not to be tired at weekends. Don’t go out so much, I suspect my mother would say!
  

  What a dreadful skirt!

  That’s all folks! I won’t leave it as long next time, promise! x

 

 

 

A Love Letter to America

Here’s a truth: my three months repatriating back in Britain-land has been tough. I’ve not really connected with my home country and I couldn’t really put my finger on why that was. And then it clicked – I hadn’t really taken my own advice as Desperate English Housewife in Washington and I hadn’t really opened my eyes and mind and appreciated it. More fool me.

For the first couple of months I felt trapped, suffocated and very out of place, like I don’t really belong and also like I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to belong. That’s the repatriation / reverse culture shock way for some, apparently. I didn’t even feel I had much to blog about, because I wasn’t doing anything special or unusual. It just felt mundane, and I couldn’t summon the energy or enthusiasm to write anything.

But that’s no way to live! So I made a conscious decision to get involved in my community in Cheltenham, The Cotswolds, England, and have gone about making some changes to ensure I can inject some life into my life!

Today I am having a Very British Day. I went for a walk in the rain (I had my umbrella in my bag, naturally, as all prepared Brits do) and had a lovely cup of tea out of a teapot whilst reading The Times. Totes British!

So British!

And later today I’m chatting on BBC Radio Gloucestershire about British things like words of the year chosen by the Oxford English Dictionary and the now annual new John Lewis advert (yes, I cried!).

So, with all this in mind, I have written this breaking up/love letter to America…

Dear, darling America-land

America, I love you very, very much. It’s a love I didn’t know was possible. But I’ve decided that, since it’s been three months that we’ve been separated, and whilst you will have a large, warm, slightly drunken place in my heart forever, and I can’t stop thinking about my amazing life and travels in Columbia, Maryland, Nashville, Memphis, California, NYC, Galtinburg, the Smokies, Savannah, Charleston and New Orleans, I have to focus on rekindling my love for your cousin over the pond, Britain.

Britain keeps trying to pull me in and whilst I have resisted thus far, I cannot get on with my life if I keep hankering back to my Americana days of fun and frivolity. I need to make things happen here and I intend to use all that I learned whilst I was with you about life, spirit and joy. You gave me that and I shall be forever grateful.

So, let’s keep in touch (like EVERY DAY!) and I will be visiting really/real soon. We can make sure that special thing we had happens again when we’re together. It’s a thing like no other. And look after everyone I love there, and make sure they still call me in an inebriated fashion at 4am my time because it does make me smile.

You captured my heart and my mind, but I have to move on.

America, it’s not you, it’s me.

Yours with love forever,

Claire

PS. Don’t even think about electing that Trump guy! Honestly, I would be very disappointed with you! 😉

Reality bites and normality bites harder

Not gonna lie, this repat thing is tough.

I’m honest when people ask me. ‘What’s it like being back then?’ they ask. ‘Normal,’ say I.

Then they ask me how my life is different and I reply thus:

‘Well before I was doing all the things I had ever dreamed of doing like travelling and meeting loads of people and hanging out at fabulous parties with fabulous people and going to events and writing and blogging and writing some more and being creative and presenting on TV and doing PR for things I love and being an extra on TV shows and modeling and doing professional theatre and teaching fitness classes and being a nutritionist and having great times with my boys.

Now I get up and go to my job and I go home again.’

All of the stuff I did in the USA was work, but for some reason it didn’t feel like work. It’s a different perspective, I guess.

And I play netball, of course, in England which is the glorious highlight of my week.

That might sound really bloody grumpy and totally negative. But this is the reality and this is normality and it kind of makes me realise that I really am not very good at normality. Sometimes the normality of it all is the hardest thing to adjust to. Back to earth with a bang. That’s reverse culture shock in full swing, I understand.

Anyhow, that thought aside, there are still good and weird and amusing things going on in the merry old land of Eng.

My dual personality Sat Nav

So, I’m currently in much confusion with my Sat Nav. British bought, this Sat Nav has a strange habit and I am sure someone has messed with it in order to mess with my head. The Sat Nav female voice, but every ruddy instruction she gives is given in firstly an American accent and then again in a British accent. It’s freaking bizarre! ‘Fess up, who made this setting on my Sat Nav?!

Festivals UK stylie

This is the truth to date. Festivals in the USA are rocking and mental. The ‘festivals’ we have been to so far in the UK are tame. I am ready to be proved wrong, Britain! I love a festival with balls! Invites accepted!

Pulled Pork

Another truth. Pulled Pork in the UK this summer, apparently, was like this trendy gastro pub gourmet thing on the British BBQ summer circuit. Everyone was raving about this new phenomenon of pulled pork in a bun like it had fallen from heaven. In the States, pulled pork is just a thing that you get wherever, whenever. Funny innit, how we view it. And. even though we all three had a fascination with pulled pork in the USA when we first arrived. it’s like beans on toast now. To be honest, I’ve had enough!

London

I love love love love love London. No denying, that city makes me feel alive. Even being squashed on the smelly old Tube made me smile. Ah, the Big Smoke, j’adore!

Repat confession of the week

Did I really use an American accent on purpose at the Tesco petrol station to hide the fact that I am a Brit who still has no idea how to use the British petrol pumps and can’t work out if you pay first or after or at the pump ….?
Yes, I jolly well did!

It’s all coming back to me now….

British Bits and Bobs

Look, I promise not to bleat on about the British weather, but it’s been messing with my head.

Saturday day time: glorious! I mean totes amazeballs, folks. Hooray, England looks beautiful, says young Harry. A beer and cider festival in the day was a very British affair in my parents’ very British village (straight out of a Joanna Trollope book!) but that sunshine made it special.

Saturday night time: heading out for a bit of open air cinema in Cheltenham to support my friend’s market and blow me down, if the heavens didn’t open as soon as we set up to watch the movie (or ‘film’ as my chum kept reminding me it was called on these shores 😉 ).

And Sunday and today? More rain.

‘Is it autumn now in England?’ asks Harry.

‘It feels like bloody winter,’ says I.

That brolly is firmly at my side every step of the way!

British summer’s evening!

Listening to the radio

This is a refreshing and happy experience for me! Songs that probably were rarely, if ever, played on the US radio stations I listened to are literally like music to my ears: The Happy Mondays, New Order, and even Take That (no shame!). Although on Radio 2 everyone is always complaining about the state of affairs in the UK. Must stop listening to Jeremy Vine’s show – bunch of grumps who are too miserable for me! I’m Mrs Positive, innit!

Everything closes early

What’s a working man or woman to do after work? Not go and get a haircut or drop their suit off for dry cleaning or other jobs, that’s for sure – cos everything bloody closes at 5pm!

This I cannot get used to. The joy of late night everything in the USA compared to the day stopping completely here at 5pm. Someone who I might be married to grumbled that it was ‘like living in the 1970s’. Except I do not have flowers in my hair, which I would have had, had I been this age circa 1970-74 🙂 Just sayin’ in a totally non-relevant way.

Cheerio!

British banter in a very British office

So, four days back and I’m in my very British PR office, drinking very British tea and listening to very British conversations.

And they sound like this:

‘Oooh, Peter Andre’s been confirmed for the Strictly line up. I’m not sure I can watch it now….I really disliked him in the jungle programme.’

‘I hate going in lifts because you never know if you should talk to the people in them and I don’t want them to talk to me.’

‘Cilla’s funeral is happening now. Cliff sang at it. Isn’t he under investigation?’

‘It’s raining again. I didn’t bring my brolly.’

‘Did you watch the Great British Bake Off?’

Back on British telly soon!

I’ve also been observing how British people call each other by their surnames (that’s LAST names to you Americans 😉 ).

Like this:

‘Barrett’s getting married next month.’

‘Sweetman’s off sick.’

I don’t recall hearing this surname calling much at all in the USofA.

This is my very British PR office, which reminds me that I am British working in Britain.

Other noteworthy thingymabobs about being back in the UK.

• Everyone drinks tea!
• It’s been raining a lot. 😦
• I had to buy some legging things to wear to work because I have dresses and it is too effing cold to wear them on their own. I mean, I am resorting to LEGGINGS, (which, by the way, if not bought and used properly as workout leggings, are on par with tights as being the most hideous items ever to wear and should be banned from all good retailers.) It really is much colder than I remember in England and it’s AUGUST FFS!
• I keep spotting many people that used to be present in my life or pass me by in my daily routines. Like the young man who goes down the road at 8am in his electric wheelchair, and the over-enthusiastic lady with the bleached blonde beehive who is still at the till in Next, and the grumpy chap who works in the pharmacy, and the girls netball teams whom I play against, and my neighbours who are still doing everything they ever did.

It’s been interesting to see them all just getting on with their lives and it feels like three years never happened. They’re just all doing the same thing, though I am sure other things have changed. But when I see them I feel like I’m in a timewarp; like I never had my time in the USA and it was all a dream. A very wonderful dream.

Keeping it together!

I was totally keeping it together about leaving Columbia, Howard County, America this past week. Keeping busy is the key. Bouts of sadness have happened, but I’ve been trying to be positive and keep that British stiff upper lip in check!

Then, this morning, out of the blue, something happened and the bloody waterworks will not subside!

Thanks to my lovely friend Tom, who is a prominent Howard County blogger and community activist, who wrote this piece that set me off. FYI, Dior waterproof mascara is not as waterproof as they suggest.

Tom and Nicole – my BFFs

Lordy, I’ll miss this place. Just sitting at the lakefront yesterday listening to a band, having dinner at one of the newer restaurants while an orchestra played, and talking to some of the people I’ve met during my time here made me remember what I wanted to experience when I arrived three years ago. I just wanted to taste, smell and be part of something different – and I’ve certainly had that in my life whilst living here. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Columbia lakefront

Honestly, when I return, I’m not sure how I’m going to interpret England again. The reverse culture shock is going to hit me hard, I know it.

Leaving is hard, saying goodbye is harder. It’s going to be a tough few days.

A Bunch of Goodbyes

Blogging Life

My life is full of goodbyes at the moment. My last fitness class happens today, so it’s goodbye to my life as a fitness instructor in the USA. I’ve had Brits in the USA goodbye parties, goodbye dinners with friends, and goodbye to our shipping which left this week and makes its hot and merry way to the UK shores.

One of my saddest goodbyes was to my blogging buddies last night. Blogging has been a huge part of my life and the community in Howard County is a smart, supportive and sassy bunch.

There’s something special about a group of people who share a love of writing, talking about issues and putting observations and opinions out there. And each one of them makes a difference to the community in their own way. I haven’t been able to find anything similar in my home town in the UK, so the thought lingers that perhaps I should take up the blogging community mantle when I return….

Anyway, #hocomd is lucky to have its #hocoblogs community, and I shall miss is greatly.

#hocobloggers

Viva Las Vegas

When thinking of our last vacation in the States we wanted to do something totally different from anything that we will experience in the UK. Vegas it is. Where I will live in the Cotswolds is a world apart from all that I hear Vegas can offer, so I expect to be overwhelmed by the Las Vegas strip and the Grand Canyon before my eyes take in the small villages and quaint shops of my UK home again. A rather crazy last slice of Americana awaits me!

Spot the difference

Bring it on!

Three weeks till we go home, and I say to everyone that I am like a duck on water trying to get upstream at the moment. I’m totally cool on the outside and paddling like mad underneath. And so, so tired.

It’s The Final Countdown (doodoodoodoo!)

I haven’t written on this blog for a while cos much has been happening still in the USA (like roadtrips and cool stuff), and, quite frankly, I’ve been slightly resenting having to spend my precious fun time packing and sorting and sorting and packing. But needs, must, cos we head back in just over 3 1/2 months.

We’ve been having USA fun roadtripping!

I’ve got yard sales to do, volunteering to build houses to complete, holibobs to have, parties to organise, summer camps to attend, festival to get drunk at, and all sorts of fun stuff to be getting on with over the next three months, as well as the dreaded mundane sorting and packing. Bleurgh.

But also, we’re looking ahead to the UK (at least I am) since I need something called AN INCOME. I love working, so that’s a bonus, and I want to use my new found travel bug and writing skills, and, By Jove, I only went and bloody well blagged myself a job doing travel PR for a coolio company in the town wot I live in. So, double thumbs up for me! I can cross ‘Get a job‘ off the To Do List. But that only reduces the list by a teeny-tiny percent.

Back in the PR game!

There’s shed loads to do UK side: book camps to keep our son occupied whilst we’re at work over the last weeks of the summer in the UK, sort our tenants and our house and all that needs doing in the garden which is ramshackle, find a ruddy school because the English school system is (how do I put this politely – oh, I can’t) slightly f*cked and there are no places for 7 year olds in Cheltenham cos everyone got jiggy with it in 2007/8 and now there are too many kids and not enough school places.  Etc etc.

I shan’t bore you with the rest of my list, because you don’t need to know things like: ‘Do a massive grocery order for delivery the day after we arrive’, but now you do know that, and, fyi, it will be with Tesco because I wish to resume my ClubCard points and I’m not a supermarket snob really and truly (tho I did feel slightly smug that my new offices are near to Whole Foods 😉 ).

Anyhoo, in addition, our cats are booked on the flights back to the UK now, so we need to practically remortgage the house so they can come back with us cos of all the injections and wotnot that are needed too. My husband was kind of hoping they’d pop their clogs out here, since they are 13, but no such luck for him. Back to Blighty you go, wee mittens whom I love!

So, yes, we are on countdown and I am going slightly crazy living between two worlds, but with today being St George’s Day it’s been nice to see a fair bit of patriotism about England which warmed me cockles, so it did. And yes, by George (pun intended), I will defo miss the USA loads and my heart will yearn for it, but I rise to the challenge of repatriation and I will slay those dragons that get in my way (I’m not a junkie, I’m just trying to carry on the St George metaphor…).

So, toodlepip and happy St George’s Day to you!

Getting ready to repat

Repatriation is the process of returning a person to their place of origin or citizenship.

This is slightly terrifying. It truly is.

So, this is the article I wrote recently about my temporary expat life.

And this is the article I wrote recently about repatriation.

I think it’s safe to say the thought of returning to the UK is never far from my mind, even though I’m squeezing every last moment out of being here in America.

From America to England, folks.

Eight months to go, and counting. I can’t help counting. And saying to myself ‘this is the last time I’ll do this or this or this here’ (Halloween, Christmas etc etc). I say that a lot.

This is the blog about the journey towards repatting or repatriation or becoming a repat, or whatever its called.

It’s going to be emotional! 😉