Keeping it together!

I was totally keeping it together about leaving Columbia, Howard County, America this past week. Keeping busy is the key. Bouts of sadness have happened, but I’ve been trying to be positive and keep that British stiff upper lip in check!

Then, this morning, out of the blue, something happened and the bloody waterworks will not subside!

Thanks to my lovely friend Tom, who is a prominent Howard County blogger and community activist, who wrote this piece that set me off. FYI, Dior waterproof mascara is not as waterproof as they suggest.

Tom and Nicole – my BFFs

Lordy, I’ll miss this place. Just sitting at the lakefront yesterday listening to a band, having dinner at one of the newer restaurants while an orchestra played, and talking to some of the people I’ve met during my time here made me remember what I wanted to experience when I arrived three years ago. I just wanted to taste, smell and be part of something different – and I’ve certainly had that in my life whilst living here. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Columbia lakefront

Honestly, when I return, I’m not sure how I’m going to interpret England again. The reverse culture shock is going to hit me hard, I know it.

Leaving is hard, saying goodbye is harder. It’s going to be a tough few days.

Repatriation: A Different Mindset

This repatriation thing is different from the expatriation thing, especially if you’re like me and slightly in denial/a little bit anxious about going home.

This time three years ago I was a-buzz with excitement about moving to the USA. We’d had the move confirmed, were heading out to this area of Maryland for five child-free days to look at our new surroundings and to get to know the area, to check out the schools, see our new house, find some good eating and drinking places etc etc. I had endless lists, spreadsheets, post it notes, files, forms, websites, references. I had contacted people about jobs, sent off my ‘resume’, sorted the cats’ injections so they could come with us, had a clothes sale so I could fund my visit to the States, got boxes, started clearing out etc. I was in a state of energised euphoria about the adventure. Just read how excited I was back then!

My leaving party!

This time….er, not so much. I see it not so much as an adventure, but a chore, and yes, I know I have to get out of that mindset….!

Today I briefly looked at jobs back in Cheltenham and then got very despondent about it all. Then I sorted some of my son’s toys and wotnot, and got a bin liner full of stuff to throw away, and I am having a clothes sale, but that’s because a) I have no room back in the UK for my fabulous outfits and b) I’m funding a volunteering trip here in the USA. And then I took a look at the local schools in Cheltenham, knowing there was nothing I could do to get him a place in year 3 because they are all full and we’ll probably have to look elsewhere.

I have no folders, just a set of emails that say ‘UK 2015’, no files, no post it notes and no energy nor inclination.

Apparently, that’s part of the repatriation process – going back to what you know doesn’t create the same buzz, the same stimulus, the same ‘woohoo’ about it all.

‘Repatriation has its psychological phases that are unexpected and daunting. Most notably, encountering reverse culture shock when returning home is a surprising situation that’s overlooked by both expats returning and their businesses calling to come home,’ says Dean Foster, founder and president of DFA Intercultural Global Solutions.

🙂

He adds this: ‘Like culture shock, reverse culture shock has a number of stages; imagine this to be a U-shape curve. At first, you may be excited to return home – seeing friends and family members, wearing the rest of your wardrobe, and eating at your favourite restaurants.’

Okay, I can see a bit of that, but only in small chunks…..

Then he says: ‘This initial euphoria eventually wears off, and that’s when you find yourself feeling out-of-place in your own culture. This is the experience of reverse culture shock; it’s the bottom of the curve and often the roughest part.’

Yeah, I can see that bit.

However….. ‘The good news is, although it may take time, you will begin a gradual adjustment back towards feeling comfortable with where and whom you are.’

I’m looking forward to finding out when that will happen. Just as long as it’s fun, chaps!

How reverse culture shock happens

Reverse culture shock is experienced when returning to a place that one expects to be home but actually is no longer, is far more subtle, and therefore, more difficult to manage than outbound shock precisely because it is unexpected and unanticipated.

I wrote about that reverse culture shock feeling for Global Magazine, and interviewed some folks who had recently undertaken it. For them, it was cool, mostly, and pretty exciting. I’m sure I’ll get there. Some days I have the odd glimmer of hope and excitement, but that’s mostly when I remember wearing fabulous shoes in my PR job, working with those gregarious gals and playing netball.

And of course, the danger of lurking in the past in that way is that you’ll never dream about nor make a present and a future happen. And I intend to make both those things happen, once I get out of this bit of the repatriation curve…… Wish me luck!

Seeing England With Different Eyes….

What’s it going to feel like…?

Many of us Brits out here venture back for a visit after a time, and things do look and feel different, and sometimes it’s like you’ve never been away – you just slot back in and life is normal for 10 days/2 weeks, and then you get back to the USA and mull it all over.

I asked my friend, Sarah, who is a British expat in Columbia, MD, and who has been here for almost a year now, what she made of her pre-Christmas visit back to the South West of England.

This is Sarah’s tale of Seeing England With Different Eyes….

It was with mixed feelings that I returned home to the UK a couple of months ago for a brief visit, after living for nine months in the US. I was returning on my own, primarily to see my mum, who is reluctant to fly now she is older. Life in Maryland had taken on a rhythm of its own and settled into ‘normaI’. On my return home, I knew that I wouldn’t have my children and husband around me as a buffer to any emotions I might feel. Yet, I was excited to be going back to all that was familiar. But how strange would it feel? The answer: despite noticing differences and similarities, it felt overwhelmingly normal!

Sarah (far right) and I hang out with chums in the USA

Catching up with friends and family was amazing. The gift of technology and social media has made the world a much smaller place and we know what is going on in each others’ lives, so whilst we were sitting and chatting, it was like I had never been away. It was a relief to talk with people face to face that you have a history with, not explain word choices, mannerisms or be in fear of making some politically incorrect faux pas!

My visits into the school where I used to work made me appreciate how wonderful the British education system is. Working in US schools has been a real eye opener for me. It was lovely seeing the whole school out to play at one time, teachers having time to bond together in the staffroom at break and lunchtime, the creativity of the curriculum, being utilised in the classroom as soon as you walked through the door. However, I caught elements of stress in the air – new initiatives for marking and assessment and a new curriculum. I was relieved to have temporarily left that behind.

Back in the UK

There were many things that I had forgotten that were different. Trying to buy some Costa coffees at a service station on my way back home from the airport, much to my friend’s amusement, I was temporarily flummoxed about to use my debit card in the machine. There was no place to swipe it! Whilst shopping, I felt awkward walking around town with a take away coffee, when in the US it is so natural to see people with a coffee cup in their hand, EVERYWHERE!

There were many things I realise I love about being in the UK. Driving low to the ground, with a manual gear box – bliss! Shopping along a beautiful high street, looking at British fashion, going to my favourite bars and restaurants, instinctively knowing my way around, being able to jump onto a bus! I was lucky enough to be home for Remembrance Sunday and at my local church service I felt so proud to be British and extremely patriotic, to the point that I was brought to tears. The display of poppies at The Tower of London was amazing and everyone was talking about it. That’s the kind of thing, as a nation, we do so well.

What didn’t I enjoy? I hated having to take a waterproof or umbrella everywhere with me and the general sogginess of the countryside, which you don’t really get for a prolonged period in Maryland. (It rained a lot when I was home!)

Oh soggy England!

Another emotion that I wasn’t expecting to feel was that of one of detachment from my house that we are renting out in the UK. We had spent many years doing it up and I’d loved living there. We are lucky enough to have wonderful neighbours back there, who welcomed me with such excitement on my return , that it made me realise that it’s the people who count, not the bricks and mortar. I’m now excited about what we can next do to our house on our return, with our supportive neighbours around us.

When the time arrived to return to Maryland, I felt incredibly sad to leave mum on her own, but knew home was where my immediate family and dog were and that was at present in the US. What I had learned from my trip, was that it is possible to feel ‘normal’ in two different places that you can call home, no matter how different those places are and have wonderful friends and family in both.

Thanks Sarah! I do look forward to my visit back 🙂