It’s been 11 months since we returned to the UK. You can call me a math/maths genius if you like, but I figure that’s nearly a whole year. And repatriation is complete (apart from calling a ‘take-away’ a ‘take-out’ today, but these things will crop up every now and then….. 😉 ).
It’s been a while since my last post, and stuff sure has happened, like British politics went into meltdown, I went back to America-land for a week, Andy Murray won the tennis, I got annoyed about the small UK parking spaces, we encountered half term M5 traffic to Cornwall, the England football team confirmed they were shite, we watched outdoor Shakespeare covered in blankets, and it rained quite a bit.
So, yes, I took a trip back to America-land. I wanted to do it before that looney-toon Trump got his hands on it and I had to give a stool/hair/saliva sample before I entered the country to prove I was not a terrorist or related to one or about to give birth to one or whatever.
Anyway, the whole week was hot, fun and American. That’s how I’ll remember a lot of my experience in the USofA. The travel, the people, the endless cultural experiences, turning right on red, and tipping extortionately 😉 . America captured my heart and there is so much of it yet unseen; so many roadtrips and experiences for us still to have in the States – I’m not done with you get, Uncle Sam! Mark my words!
Baltimore – a city I am incredibly fond of
Back at the pool of dreams
And back in the UK, life moves on with pace and Britishness. I remember thinking when I left America I wouldn’t be able to capture the essence of all that I had done and achieved out there. But, I was wrong. America taught me many things, and one of those was to not be afraid, to chase that dream, to make it happen, to open your eyes and your heart to new experiences, and to bloody well get on with it. Nuff said.
And are there things that still baffle me about being back in England?
Of course. Things like this…..
The M5. Why does everyone go on it at the same time? Annoying.
Pasties. Cornwall or Devon?
Sunday closing for shops. 4pm. Is that still church rules?
England football team. Why?
British politics. WTF?
Trains to London from the West Country take forever. Rubbish.
And there are things I love about the UK like this…..
The NHS
British schooling
Eavesdropping in Waitrose
Wimbledon (the only reason I will ever sit inside on a sunny day)
British humour
Tea. Tea. Tea
And there are things I miss from the USA like this……
Old Bay Seasoning
Thanksgiving dinner/piss up
Eating out with your kids in the evening and not being frowned at
The pools
The big roads
Turning right on red
The heat
People commenting on how much they love my accent
My Americana buddies!
But, the repatriation is complete. When there is no more culture shock, no more truly comparing and contrasting the cultural differences, then you know you’re back in it. And really that’s all this UK Desperate Housewife from the USA to the UK has to say about that!
It’s been a joy to share my journey there and back again. Thanks for reading.
Whilst the genius that was David Bowie was referencing America in a different context in his iconic song, I can’t get this lyric out of my head. It’s a blend of his Britishness, his love of NYC, and his many references to America in his songs that have caught my imagination and perhaps inspired this essay. (You might need a cuppa for this one – it’s long, and slightly contentious!!)
Yep, this is UK that I am living in again and this is definitely not America.
And, during my time back in the UK I’ve noticed and listened to many British comments that make direct reference to the fact that they’re very happy that this country is not America. Whilst I’ve always acknowledged many of America’s failings that I experienced or was aware of, and alluded to some of its more odd, amusing or problematic characteristics through my blogDesperate English Housewife in Washingtonduring my three years there, I am still stunned when I hear Brits let rip at the USA and Americans.
Over the past five months I’ve heard many Brits comment with real negativity about the country and its people. Yes, there is a slightly racist brush which we Brits feel it’s okay to sweep across America.
Oh, I get how the brashness and the commercialism and the bright lights and the fear of those middle States taking over the politics might be a cause for concern, or how ripe certain topics are for scrutiny and that these naturally and legitimately can bear the brunt of our very British wit and sarcasm, but there is also often a real condescending, superior tone from many Brits which I’ve witnessed, especially when I say I used to live in the USA.
You know, that tone. The one that’s saved for looking down on someone who you think has got it wrong, someone who isn’t very classy, someone who doesn’t live up to your standards, someone who you think is dumb, or inferior. You know, that bullying tone.
And whilst it is very clear that, when America sticks its head above the parapet and does make great big dickhead mistakes, or is unjustly arrogant, or there are issues that we feel need to be resolved faster and with more balls – the gun issue, gay rights, race issues, or abortion (for instance) – the country does lend itself to general piss taking or mocking, or is a cause for concern in our modern society.
But, otherwise, what I hear is just bullying.
Yes, yes, I know the USA has positioned itself as a super power and is one of the wealthiest countries in the world and should take it all on the chin, but behind that facade, there are deep-rooted issues and vulnerability. But we Brits like to bring people down. It’s part of us, we say – that’s how we roll. Or is just tiresome and slightly xenophobic? Think about the most successful person on TV, or in your life, that you know – as a Brit, don’t you just love to bring them down? We don’t big them up, we don’t often say ‘you’re amazing, carry on being amazing!’. No, we don’t do that – or, at least, not enough. I bet many a Brit would be loathe to admit that they secretly don’t want that successful person to succeed. We naturally support the underdog – that’s the way we’re inclined. And America is not, nor would it want to be, the underdog.
Are we slightly jealous that once upon a time there was us, the British Empire, and then, well, there wasn’t….? Maybe that’s just history. But our relationship with America is complicated. We’re kind of cool to have you on our side and all that, but we laugh at your commercialism, and your CocaCola, and your obesity problem (Britain – we have one too, you know!), and your guns, and your ‘uneducated’ states in the middle that we don’t really know the names of but mock anyway. Yes, the sweeping stereotypes we like to place on America.
We Brits, with our heritage and culture and etiquette and constant nod to the age of ‘better days gone by’, do we see America as that ‘new money’ place? Is that how this one goes? Silly, immature America that got the money and built the big house, but which will never quite shape up to the expectation of our esteemed order, because it doesn’t ‘have history’ (I beg to differ), and it doesn’t, quite simply, have class (again, I beg to differ).
Don’t get me wrong, I love Britain and am very proud to be British. I love British culture, theatre, our sense of humour, popular music, art, London, the general cultural vibe – that’s my favourite thing about Britain. And I love America. I love its different cultures in one country, its embracing of arts, its genuine desire to better itself, its sense of politics, its new-worldness.  And I love the two countries’ differences and their similarities, and I recognise both of their flaws. What I don’t love sometimes – and it really does grate – is the attitude that some Brits have to the USA and Americans, because it does reveal an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance.
There is a perception that all Americans are ill-informed about anything outside their own country, and pretty ignorant of where other countries are, and any facts about them. Of course this is going to be true in some areas – I liked to share facts about Europe and the UK in general with these peeps who didn’t have a vast knowledge. But, in truth, my knowledge about the USA was pretty minimal when I went there. I mean, it was mostly based on West Side Story, Fame!, The Wire,Dallas and Deperate Housewives, for goodness sake.
America is a big old country, and it still makes me smile when I hear the NATIONAL travel news on Radio 2 in the morning here in the UK, whilst in the States my Baltimore radio station would only do the traffic report for a certain length of the I95 (which goes from NYC to Florida) based in their immediate area. That’s just how it works. It’s a big place!
The American people that I met and hung out with on the East Coast were warm, friendly, very very smart, progressive, classy, educated, open-minded and intuitive. They created a fantastically spiritual, welcoming, intelligent environment for me to live in and I thrived on that.
Some of the comments that I’ve heard recently left my jaw hanging slightly. Yes, the crass open-gobness of a Brit who’s obviously been injected with some American non-culture. That’s me!
Many of the comments I’ve heard have been based upon media perceptions and ignorance, and possibly a mix of fear and snobbery.
‘Oh I don’t think I could cope with living in America.’
‘Have you ever been there?’
‘No, but I wouldn’t want to.’
‘Why’s that? I had a great time.’
‘I think it would be….too “American” for me….’Â
Who said ‘people fear what they don’t understand’?
They were right.
Some Brits actually appear quite horrified that I enjoyed living in America so much. In fact, they seem slightly disappointed and mortified that a fellow Brit feels this way, and no doubt come to the conclusion that I must have been taken there without consent and consequently brainwashed by some American cult. 😉
One fundamental difference about being there in the States and being back in the UK is realising just how much Americans love us Brits. They do. They flippin’ love us (most of them, anyway!). My American friends were always wanting to know more about Britain. Americans I met found us intriguing, they were always asking questions about us and about our culture (and not just Downton Abbey and One Direction and the Royal family!). The Americans I got to know welcomed me, brought me into their community, they were warm and friendly, and they made me feel I belonged. And, honestly, they made me feel special. Do we do this to Americans, British people – do we? Do we see or hear an American in our community and make them feel special? If not, we should.
David Bowie was right: this is not America. Right on. And you also know what, America is not Britain. And that’s why I was so very glad to live in America for a while.  But now I really am glad to be back – and in part due to the fact that the positivity I enjoyed over there in the States is actually happening right here, right now, in my little bit of the world in Cheltenham, The Cotswolds. You see, much of the work ethic and philosophy that I’m experiencing in the business community in Gloucestershire, of which I am now part, is based on many very American sentiments. It’s all about making the change happen, living and fulfilling your dream, overcoming the hurdles, bigging up people and supporting their success, not drowning  yourself and others in criticism, and networking and embracing new people and new ideas.
So, I’m glad to be back in the UK at what is a very positive, driven time – and it appears there has been an injection of American culture that’s making its mark in the UK, and, whether folks like it or not, I get the impression it is here to stay for a while!
Finally – don’t we tell ourselves, like we tell our kids, to accept everyone; that one way is not right and the other way is not wrong, but that they are just different…….? I like the sentiment about taking a moment to appreciate each other and our differences. We should do it more.
As in ‘The British expat wascompletelydiscombobulatedbythe return to her own country.’
Yep, that is me right now. It’s been a crazy return already, and I haven’t stopped because tomorrow I start work and there is sooooo much to do!
So, this is what’s occurring, in no particular order:
1. My cats are well happy to be back. They’re looking at me with big yellow ‘thank you’ eyes.
Happy cat!
2. Harry is super happy to be back too. He loves our little house and our little cabin in our garden and he doesn’t care how small they are because they are his. He also has no idea what a radiator is. So much to learn.
3. I did not know how to fill up with gas (ugh, I mean petrol!) at a British petrol station and had to phone my mum to ask her. Britain, let’s do the pay at pump machines more – it’s so much quicker and prevents me from having to go into the garage shop and buying Cadbury’s Buttons as well. Yes, folks, REAL chocolate!
4. Fish and chips taste like they should do, but they don’t come in paper. Sad news.
No paper, folks
5. I feel like Gulliver in Lilliput. At first I thought someone had shrunk my house, after all that big American stuff I was used to. Forty eight hours later it just feels normal.
6. People in England are much friendlier than I remembered! Everyone’s so helpful and smiley. Who’d have thunk it? 🙂
7. Some people appear to be disappointed that I haven’t picked up an American accent. I am not Joss Stone FFS!
8. The Gloucestershire accent is making me smile. It’s so bloody West Country – oohaarr!
9. I have only got into the wrong side of the car once. I have yet to drive on the wrong side!
10. Traffic lights. There are lots of them and it sucks that you can’t turn left on red. This needs to happen, Britain!
11. My parents are amazing. They’ve totally helped me out massively!
12. I can’t find any of my Boots or Sainsbury’s or Tesco’s rewards cards and it’s doing my head in. I need my points!
13. I think I appreciate the higgledy piggledy joy of England a little more today than I did yesterday. It will grow on me.
My garden needs some TLC!
Cheers y’all! Onwards with the cultural challenges!
I’m finding the UK repatriation thingymabob slightly tough. There is so much to sort out, and to be honest I really just want to be making the most of my time here, not packing and ticking off lists and planning bits and bobs. It seems endless, and is not helping my insomnia!
However, after a frustrating day attempting to tick of various repatriation to-dos I decided to do something fun in my repat-list. The online food order for our return! I remember that when I did the USA one it was fascinating and weird, since I had to Google various items using the British words to find out what the US alternative was. You know, stuff like ‘kitchen roll’ = ‘paper towel’, ‘washing powder’ = ‘laundry detergent’ etc.
This time round, on the Tesco website (Gawd Bless ‘Em, they remembered me and my ClubCard points after three years!) it was super fun inputting all the British groceries! I was mentally re-stocking my cupboards with all sorts of British items. And BOOZE – let’s not forget the joy of ordering booze on your weekly shop! The food is generally slightly cheaper, I think, than in the USA.
Rich Tea biscuits, jam, bacon, teabags, crisps (Monster Munch and Skips!), Cadbury’s, OXO cubes, Bovril and a load of other things made the list. And I haven’t finished yet! I’ll still be adding, since I don’t need it delivered till August, obviously! Suggestions welcome!
So says Ben Barker, who’s a British expat in the USA and who has just returned to the States with loads of top banana things to say about the UK.
He’s so cheery and upbeat about Britain, I almost can’t wait to get on that plane this week and head on over myself.
(FYI: confession……I just watched the movie Night of the Museum: Secret of the Tomb and there are some great shots of London and when we saw it Harry and I were whispering to each other going ‘Ooooh, doesn’t London look faberooni!’) 😉
Anyway, enough Hollywooding of the UK, this is….
Ben’s Brilliant Britain 🙂
I’m just back from 12 days traveling in Britain. I hadn’t been back in a few years and a few of my expat friends had warned me that I might be surprised how things had changed. Mulling it over on the flight back here’s my ‘top 10’ of what I noticed and had reaffirmed while I was there.
1. We British have humour as part of their DNA. I had light-hearted banter with shopkeepers, pub staff, strangers on the street and immigration officials – it’s just a way of life.
I might be biased, but British humour is the BEST! 😉
2. Britain loves history. Sitting in a pub dating to 1460…I could see the concept of time sinking in to my teenage kids. There’s nowhere like it for discovering your ‘place’ in history. 3. Who knew: British food is really good! Not just the traditional stuff, now there are cafes and restaurants cooking really good stuff with all kinds of international influences.
It’s not all Spotted Dick, you know….
4. Public transportation in Britain is better than ever – clean, fast and generally on time – and people use it and trust it and love it. 5. It seems like there are ‘development’ and ‘projects’ and ‘schemes’ being invested in everywhere. The place seemed exciting and brimming with ideas on how to get things done! 6. Here’s an important one – the beer selection ‘on pull’ in pubs has really improved. The regional choices are varied and tasty.
Beer British-stylie
7. I people-watched a lot and chatted whenever I could: the British public are diverse and interested and opinionated and knowledgeable and eccentric and different and concerned and charitable…and outward looking. I enjoyed every conversation. 8. The British countryside is still truly stunning. From coast to stream to farmland to moor to woodland to mountain it’ll still take your breath away.
Beautiful Britain
9. I was struck by how ‘techy’ Britain is and how well ‘engineered’ everything is – from credit card systems to football stadium ticket scanners to hand dryers to sim cards to solar arrays to Sat Navs etc. Hi-tech is the norm. 10. Last, but not least, Britain remains a nation of dog lovers! They’re everywhere – all shapes and sizes. I used to think that a nation that watched the same TV shows at the same time always had something to talk about…or a nation obsessed with the weather always had something to chat about over the garden fence, but I now have to add the common bond of strangers discussing their fidos…and they do – a lot.
Now, I know Britain has problems (while I was there, there were headlines of inner city murder and child abuse cover ups and NHS emergency room waiting times and terrorist threats) – I’m not blind to those problems – but the good news is, no one in Britain is blind to them either. My sense is there is a normal, high level of work being done to fix the problems. The truth is I was interested to see what had changed to the Country I love and I am more than happy to report that what is fundamentally British hasn’t changed and may well have actually improved.
In short, Britain, in my opinion, is still brilliant and beautiful and this expat will try to get back as often as possible!
British bits
You can see more of Ben’s stuff about Britain, British pubs, pub banter and all sorts do with Britain stopping by his site BarkerBites 🙂
I’m super excited to get on over to Blighty now for that visit!
Many of us Brits out here venture back for a visit after a time, and things do look and feel different, and sometimes it’s like you’ve never been away – you just slot back in and life is normal for 10 days/2 weeks, and then you get back to the USA and mull it all over.
I asked my friend, Sarah, who is a British expat in Columbia, MD, and who has been here for almost a year now, what she made of her pre-Christmas visit back to the South West of England.
This is Sarah’s tale ofSeeing England With Different Eyes….
It was with mixed feelings that I returned home to the UK a couple of months ago for a brief visit, after living for nine months in the US. I was returning on my own, primarily to see my mum, who is reluctant to fly now she is older. Life in Maryland had taken on a rhythm of its own and settled into ‘normaI’. On my return home, I knew that I wouldn’t have my children and husband around me as a buffer to any emotions I might feel. Yet, I was excited to be going back to all that was familiar. But how strange would it feel? The answer: despite noticing differences and similarities, it felt overwhelmingly normal!
Sarah (far right) and I hang out with chums in the USA
Catching up with friends and family was amazing. The gift of technology and social media has made the world a much smaller place and we know what is going on in each others’ lives, so whilst we were sitting and chatting, it was like I had never been away. It was a relief to talk with people face to face that you have a history with, not explain word choices, mannerisms or be in fear of making some politically incorrect faux pas!
My visits into the school where I used to work made me appreciate how wonderful the British education system is. Working in US schools has been a real eye opener for me. It was lovely seeing the whole school out to play at one time, teachers having time to bond together in the staffroom at break and lunchtime, the creativity of the curriculum, being utilised in the classroom as soon as you walked through the door. However, I caught elements of stress in the air – new initiatives for marking and assessment and a new curriculum. I was relieved to have temporarily left that behind.
Back in the UK
There were many things that I had forgotten that were different. Trying to buy some Costa coffees at a service station on my way back home from the airport, much to my friend’s amusement, I was temporarily flummoxed about to use my debit card in the machine. There was no place to swipe it! Whilst shopping, I felt awkward walking around town with a take away coffee, when in the US it is so natural to see people with a coffee cup in their hand, EVERYWHERE!
There were many things I realise I love about being in the UK. Driving low to the ground, with a manual gear box – bliss! Shopping along a beautiful high street, looking at British fashion, going to my favourite bars and restaurants, instinctively knowing my way around, being able to jump onto a bus! I was lucky enough to be home for Remembrance Sunday and at my local church service I felt so proud to be British and extremely patriotic, to the point that I was brought to tears. The display of poppies at The Tower of London was amazing and everyone was talking about it. That’s the kind of thing, as a nation, we do so well.
What didn’t I enjoy? I hated having to take a waterproof or umbrella everywhere with me and the general sogginess of the countryside, which you don’t really get for a prolonged period in Maryland. (It rained a lot when I was home!)
Oh soggy England!
Another emotion that I wasn’t expecting to feel was that of one of detachment from my house that we are renting out in the UK. We had spent many years doing it up and I’d loved living there. We are lucky enough to have wonderful neighbours back there, who welcomed me with such excitement on my return , that it made me realise that it’s the people who count, not the bricks and mortar. I’m now excited about what we can next do to our house on our return, with our supportive neighbours around us.
When the time arrived to return to Maryland, I felt incredibly sad to leave mum on her own, but knew home was where my immediate family and dog were and that was at present in the US. What I had learned from my trip, was that it is possible to feel ‘normal’ in two different places that you can call home, no matter how different those places are and have wonderful friends and family in both.
Thanks Sarah! I do look forward to my visit back 🙂
Desperate Housewife: From America to England 